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Can you only replace what you couldn’t say?
Rewind time, add words, and press play
Never once more another look alike
Stray away into one last stormy night
Create a few extra excuses to make sure I’m okay
Call me what you want; it’s just a different day

The past tells me I can’t pretend
To only watch it and review it again
Controlled only knowing I will relive it
Forced images pushed in my face; struck and hit
Somehow the charade will come to an end
Hearts sit in the ground never to ascend

I find pieces of myself that can’t fit anymore
The lock melted shut to my only escape door
Can I burn the book of pages that I read too often?
Tear the rest apart to rot in the trashcan bin
Now tied up in an argument of nevermore
To keep remembering; my scars long to be sore

As I press “fast-forward,” I sit and wonder
The lightning screams back at the thunder
Watching it all, there were times of regret
My own mistakes I didn’t omit
Each moment I saw, it was harder to bare
All the explicit content and proof I’m going under

Written by: Caitlin Lambert

poem #233